it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
