I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
