Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
