i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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