i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
