I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
