do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
