Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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