I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize