He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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