We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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