Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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