There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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