I love black thongs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
