I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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