Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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