It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
