1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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