is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
