the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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