we have officially lost it.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
