Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
