YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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