Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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