yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
