Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
