dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
