remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
