If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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