So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
