why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
