he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
