just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
