Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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