I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
