Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize