If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
