Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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