Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
