Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
