i was born a porn star she said
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
