I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
