whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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