oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
