a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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