just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
