all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dick has a subreddit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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