Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
