I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
