Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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