Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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