Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
