Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize