how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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