Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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