she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
