Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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