I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
