well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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