Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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