if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
