I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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