Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
