yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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