I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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