yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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