someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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