It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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