Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
