i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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