The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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