im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
