A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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