I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
